Diners - The Ten Commandments

Many thanks to my friend David Gewant who reminded me of the importance of diners as a staple of American eating. He and I used to hang out in New York before he succombed to the call of the Pacific Northwest. Diners were often part of Sunday hangover/previous night recap/peruse the Sunday Times routine.

Diners, in their purest forms, are places where you can go and know pretty much what will be on the menu, expect that you will get prompt if not effusive service and that the food will rank at a universally acceptable (or higher) quality. I mention diners in this blog because I feel that diners really thrive on the East Coast/Midwest. That's not to say I have not eaten at some great diners out west, but you need to really get away from metropolitan areas, wheras back east, you can as easily find a real diner as a high-end steakhouse in any given city.

We don't go to diners searching for trendy food items, low-fat anything or fusion of any kind. We want simplicity, value and quality. Therefore, I humbly offer up my own Ten Commandments of Diners.

1 . Thou shalt be open twenty four hours a day, or at least from 6 am to midnight
2. Thou shalt serve french fries with almost all dishes, without an additional charge
3. Thou shalt seat your customers promptly and bring menus right away. Food shall follow within about ten minutes
4. Thou shalt offer a "bottomless" cup of coffee and not make me have to keep asking for refills.
5. Thou shalt employ only veteran waitresses who will call me "Hon," the exception being fresh-faced, young, cute, friendly waitresses who also call me "Hon."
6. Thou shalt not offer upon thy menu any of the following food items: truffle, confit, arugula, brie, pesto, persimmon, tofu, watercress or raw fish or seafood
7. Thou shalt, without exception, offer the following selections on thy menu: tuna melt, Greek Salad, French onion soup, Reuben, patty melt, hot dogs, Monte Cristo sandwich, western omelette, brown gravy with mashed potatoes
8. Thou shalt offer a wide range of steaks, chops and seafood dishes, though they will be very rarely ordered
9. Thou shalt serve breakfast at all hours of the day and night.
10. Thou shalt laminate thy menus.

Some people are pretty hung up on diners maintaining a certain type of architecture. I 'm not. It's the food and how it's served. However, there is a great website for those who search for the traditional trappings.

http://www.dinercity.com

This is pretty comprehensive and well done. Also, please check out the section where the author reviews several of the top delis in New York. A good reference.

There's a place in San Francisco called Fog City Diner. It's a wonderful restaurant, and I think it's even open late. From the outside, it looks like a diner. It's not. Here are five reasons why:
1 - The wine list is way too good
2 - Blue cheese is offered with at least two different pedigrees
3 - Mu Shu ????
4 - Raw oysters??
5 - The capper....TRUFFLE FRIES!!

Now don't get me wrong. I love to eat at this place (when I can afford it). However, make no mistake. It is not a diner. When we want exotic ingredients, unusual combinations and great wines by the glass, we go to cafes, grills or other restaurants, not to diners.

When we need some comfort food, need to feel like everything is going to be OK, need to be in a place where we will get no surprises, we go to diners. Thank goodness they exist.